The past month I have felt something in my heart. I have been so overwhelmed by life, feeling so isolated and beginning to feel like somehow, someway, I'm completely failing as a mom. There are two beautiful girls who I get to wake up to everyday and I have the privilege of being their mother. I thought motherhood was supposed to be this glorious experience full of discoveries, love and memories. And while it is all of those things, most days are just a blur of yelling, crying and poop.
I look around and I feel like I'm the only mom who doesn't have it all together. We're making it. My girls are healthy, happy and growing but I feel like I'm in complete shambles. The housework doesn't get done most days. My kids eat chicken nuggets more than once a week. They don't get all organic foods. I rarely get a chance to check myself in the mirror before we got some place. I can't remember the last time I brushed my hair and I just rotate yoga pants. In the age of Facebook and Pinterest, it is so easy to compare your life to the picture perfect ones being advertised around every corner of social media.
My husband is working two jobs and going to school full time in order to provide for his family and give us something for the future. I needed something. Some kind of help or support from other women, who've been there and going through the same thing I am.
I looked into MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers) and went to the first meeting two weeks ago. I think it's going to be a good thing. The whole goal of MOPS is to bring moms together and to give them a much needed break, just for a little while. It is a mix of moms of all ages and backgrounds and their kids are all different ages. I received a hand-written card from the woman who's heading it up thanking me for coming, letting me know that she's praying for me and that the next week's topic will be "Avoiding Mommy Comparisons". :) But on the off-nights of MOPS, this church also hosts a mom book group. The book is called "Desperate: Hope For The Mom Who Needs To Breathe". I'm only a couple of chapters in, but this book has already been such a blessing.
The first thing I realized: I'M NOT IN THIS ALONE. I'm not the only mom who's feeling overwhelmed with this gigantic task of raising the next generation. In fact, every mom I've talked to who's in this similar season is feeling exactly how I am. So answer me this: Why the heck do we all feel so alone?! We're all going through the same thing, why not encourage each other? Let each other know that it's going to be ok. Yes, your kids just drew a masterpiece on the inside of your cabinets with a Sharpie. Yes, they just ate mac & cheese.... again. No, they aren't potty trained yet. No, they aren't measuring up the crazy advanced kid down the street. No, they aren't going to pre-school at 2 years old. And it's all going to be ok. It's so easy to say and hear the phrase "Well yeah, every kid's different" but it seems like all we do is judge each other for doing things differently. Your child is still wonderful and sweet and smart and silly and completely yours!
I decided to conduct a little experiment. I decided I was going to try and compliment 2 moms every time I went out. Out loud. To their face. Tell another mom that they're doing a good job. Give them some sort of encouragement that they aren't in this alone, that they aren't failing. It was amazing! The look of relief that graced these women's faces was one that I know all too well. 'Thank you, someone sees the struggle beyond the screaming.' We all need that little boost of encouragement. You never know which mom is almost at their breaking point and those few words can really push back the clouds.
Let's talk to each other. Don't be so afraid of appearing like you don't have it all together, because (here's the beautiful truth) NOBODY DOES. Every mom is struggling with something, but every mom also has strengths that you can draw from. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are the best mom for your kids. They know that, sometimes it just takes awhile for us to remember that too.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Kindle Cover Tutorial
I'm going to apologize ahead of time, this is the first tutorial I've written. So if things don't make sense, please leave a comment or e-mail me and I'll clarify. :)
What You'll Need:
- 1/2 yd decorative cotton for the outside (or scraps enough to piece together)
- 1/2 yd fleece or interfacing
- 1/2 yd flannel
- Fusible web (I like MistyFuse, but if you can't find any, you can use a lot of pins)
- Velcro or other closure of your choice
- Thread
- Scissors
- Sewing machine
Optional:
- I use a non-fray/non-stretch canvas called Multi-Purpose Cloth (MPC) from Roc-Lon. It's durable, but softens the more you use it. You can fuse to it, paint it, color on it, love it. It's the "bones" for most of the projects I do. (Buy it here!)
- Rotary cutter and mat
**Note: This tutorial is for the 8.9" Kindle Fire, but you could easily switch up the measurements and use it for whatever size tablet you have.
**All measurements are given in inches. I used a satin stitch for my edges and this takes a bit of thread. It helps to have 3 or so bobbins already wound before you start so you don't have to lose your groove to fill them up. :)
Here we go!
The actual measurement of my Kindle was 9 1/2 x 6 1/4, so I decided I was going to round up and make my piece 8x24. It could've been a little smaller, but worked out with the print of the fabric and will now fit if I get a small cover to fit around it eventually.
MistyFuse the back of all your fabric, except the fleece. (I experimented with this and it melts before it really gets a good fuse.) Let it cure for 10-20 minutes. It will stick to itself if it's not finished curing. You'll know it's done when it doesn't feel tacky to the touch.
Cut one 8 x 24 piece of MPC (white-- shown below), then I did 10x26 for the flannel (green) and fleece (purple) or interfacing. This is because the fabric will pull in a little when you quilt it and you can always cut off the extra. I chose to piece together my outside, each piece is 8 1/2 x 10 1/2, then 4 1/2 x 8 1/2 for the flap.
Fuse cotton to MPC. I used a satin stitch at the seams of each piece to hold it in place. I really like using variegated thread for satin stitching, it's got such a fun look and a great way to add more color.
Then I fused the flannel to the fleece. This has to be done in small bits so you don't melt the fleece. This is where it would be lots easier with a fusible fleece or fusible interfacing, no pins needed. I used flannel for my liner. It's fusible without melting and mine didn't have a wrong side, so it left a smaller margin for error.
Quilt it! I was so intimidated of quilting, I'm not sure why. Have fun here!! I tried free motion quilting for the first time on this project. It was fun to play, learn and overcome another fear.
Trim up the edges using your scissors or rotary cutter. Use a plate or a bowl and place it on the inside of your flap to mark your curves. Trim.
Place and sew your Velcro or closure. Satin stitch what will be the top of your opening (right above your Velcro).
Fold up your piece, insides together, leaving a 4 inch flap at the top. For my measurements, it was 10 inches to the front and 14 to the back. With the raw edges facing out, sew a basting stitch along your "envelope". This is a great time to see if your tablet fits.
Satin stitch over your basting stitches, catching the raw edges in your stitch. I usually start at one bottom corner, then you can just go up the side, around the top of the flap and down the other side.
And you're done!! Now you have your very own custom tablet case!
What You'll Need:
- 1/2 yd decorative cotton for the outside (or scraps enough to piece together)
- 1/2 yd fleece or interfacing
- 1/2 yd flannel
- Fusible web (I like MistyFuse, but if you can't find any, you can use a lot of pins)
- Velcro or other closure of your choice
- Thread
- Scissors
- Sewing machine
Optional:
- I use a non-fray/non-stretch canvas called Multi-Purpose Cloth (MPC) from Roc-Lon. It's durable, but softens the more you use it. You can fuse to it, paint it, color on it, love it. It's the "bones" for most of the projects I do. (Buy it here!)
- Rotary cutter and mat
**Note: This tutorial is for the 8.9" Kindle Fire, but you could easily switch up the measurements and use it for whatever size tablet you have.
**All measurements are given in inches. I used a satin stitch for my edges and this takes a bit of thread. It helps to have 3 or so bobbins already wound before you start so you don't have to lose your groove to fill them up. :)
Here we go!
The actual measurement of my Kindle was 9 1/2 x 6 1/4, so I decided I was going to round up and make my piece 8x24. It could've been a little smaller, but worked out with the print of the fabric and will now fit if I get a small cover to fit around it eventually.
MistyFuse the back of all your fabric, except the fleece. (I experimented with this and it melts before it really gets a good fuse.) Let it cure for 10-20 minutes. It will stick to itself if it's not finished curing. You'll know it's done when it doesn't feel tacky to the touch.
Cut one 8 x 24 piece of MPC (white-- shown below), then I did 10x26 for the flannel (green) and fleece (purple) or interfacing. This is because the fabric will pull in a little when you quilt it and you can always cut off the extra. I chose to piece together my outside, each piece is 8 1/2 x 10 1/2, then 4 1/2 x 8 1/2 for the flap.
(This step is a lot easier if a curious baby doesn't wake up early from her nap.) :)
Quilt it! I was so intimidated of quilting, I'm not sure why. Have fun here!! I tried free motion quilting for the first time on this project. It was fun to play, learn and overcome another fear.
Trim up the edges using your scissors or rotary cutter. Use a plate or a bowl and place it on the inside of your flap to mark your curves. Trim.
Place and sew your Velcro or closure. Satin stitch what will be the top of your opening (right above your Velcro).
Fold up your piece, insides together, leaving a 4 inch flap at the top. For my measurements, it was 10 inches to the front and 14 to the back. With the raw edges facing out, sew a basting stitch along your "envelope". This is a great time to see if your tablet fits.
Satin stitch over your basting stitches, catching the raw edges in your stitch. I usually start at one bottom corner, then you can just go up the side, around the top of the flap and down the other side.
And you're done!! Now you have your very own custom tablet case!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Our New Chapter!
Needless to say, it's been a busy couple of weeks. But they've been good! Adapting to life with two babes rather than just one has been... interesting. I'm beyond thankful that my mom was able to come out and stay for as long as she did. Poor thing, I gave her our crud that we had! She only had a voice for half of her trip and didn't get to sleep or rest much, but she was able to snuggle her granddaughters, so I think that softened the blow a bit. :)
It is different needing to juggle the two little ones, but fortunately, Neva is pretty much awesome. Esther will be 3 weeks on Sunday and we're already starting to find our groove a little bit. Neva's sleeping is starting to get back on track, which has done wonders. She's so sweet to her sister, giving her hugs and kisses as often as possible. We've made a big effort to make sure she's not a mystery. Neva is allowed to hold her, see her, kiss her, pat her, touch her as often as she likes. Hubs and I are also doing what we can to make sure she still gets her one-on-one time, play times with friends and whatnot too. Then there are the days where none of us get out of our pj's and we just have a movie day. :) We're all getting used to what is now the new norm, good and bad days alike.
It is nice not having to learn how to be a mom this time around. Poor Neva got the short end of the stick on a lot of things just by being the first one. :) We're more laid back and everything isn't so new and scary. We already have our little routines and Esther's just falling into and molding them. Some things are a lot easier, nursing especially. My milk came in faster, evened out quicker and I "toughened up" a lot sooner than with Neva (thank goodness). Bath time isn't a source of anxiety ("Holy crap! Am I going to drown my baby in 3 inches of water?!"). Bed time isn't an ongoing source of stress and frustration (Thank you swaddling and white noise!), I know and understand that babies just wake up a lot. It sounds dumb to say it out loud, but it was very stressful with Neva when she wouldn't sleep. Now I just catch my winks when I can... even if that means on the futon with a baby passed out on my chest because I know that might be the only place she'll sleep right then. :)
There is stress. There's a lot of crying and a lot of poop. We're not on time to anything and if we do make it there's either spit up, poo or both on at least one of our outfits. But there's a lot of smiles, snuggles and laughter. And love. A ton of love. :) Tim and I have been blessed with two gorgeous, healthy and happy (most of the time) girls. We're just boarding this crazy adventure, but I'm really excited to see where it's going to lead.
It is different needing to juggle the two little ones, but fortunately, Neva is pretty much awesome. Esther will be 3 weeks on Sunday and we're already starting to find our groove a little bit. Neva's sleeping is starting to get back on track, which has done wonders. She's so sweet to her sister, giving her hugs and kisses as often as possible. We've made a big effort to make sure she's not a mystery. Neva is allowed to hold her, see her, kiss her, pat her, touch her as often as she likes. Hubs and I are also doing what we can to make sure she still gets her one-on-one time, play times with friends and whatnot too. Then there are the days where none of us get out of our pj's and we just have a movie day. :) We're all getting used to what is now the new norm, good and bad days alike.
It is nice not having to learn how to be a mom this time around. Poor Neva got the short end of the stick on a lot of things just by being the first one. :) We're more laid back and everything isn't so new and scary. We already have our little routines and Esther's just falling into and molding them. Some things are a lot easier, nursing especially. My milk came in faster, evened out quicker and I "toughened up" a lot sooner than with Neva (thank goodness). Bath time isn't a source of anxiety ("Holy crap! Am I going to drown my baby in 3 inches of water?!"). Bed time isn't an ongoing source of stress and frustration (Thank you swaddling and white noise!), I know and understand that babies just wake up a lot. It sounds dumb to say it out loud, but it was very stressful with Neva when she wouldn't sleep. Now I just catch my winks when I can... even if that means on the futon with a baby passed out on my chest because I know that might be the only place she'll sleep right then. :)
There is stress. There's a lot of crying and a lot of poop. We're not on time to anything and if we do make it there's either spit up, poo or both on at least one of our outfits. But there's a lot of smiles, snuggles and laughter. And love. A ton of love. :) Tim and I have been blessed with two gorgeous, healthy and happy (most of the time) girls. We're just boarding this crazy adventure, but I'm really excited to see where it's going to lead.
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| Adapting to life on the outside! |
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| Snuggles with Nana! |
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| Lovin' the handmade receiving blankets :) |
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| Seriously?! Little bitty leggings and owl booties? Cuteness: off the charts! |
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Birth Story!! Welcome Esther Grace!
She's here!! She's here!!! :)
Our dear little Esther Grace arrived this past Sunday morning and I wanted to share my birth story with you.
When I had Neva, she never fully engaged and wasn't facing the correct way, these (along with the induction, in my opinion) were responsible for her c-section. Everything went smoothly, but I just wanted a different experience. I didn't get to hold her right away and I felt like the bonding took a little longer than it might have if I would have been able to deliver vaginally. I knew that if I were to have another baby, I'd like to try for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarian).
From my first prenatal appointment, that's the tune I went in singing: VBAC! VBAC! VBAC! My doctor seemed to only tell me all the negative statistics of uterine rupture, fatality rates and horror stories. While I took all of this into consideration, I didn't let it effect my decision. I felt like if I were able to go into labor spontaneously and let her come in her own time, things would just play out differently. Every single appointment we went through this. It wasn't until my 38 week appointment that my doctor checked me that he felt that I was truly able to go into labor on my own and cancelled my scheduled c-section (which is apparently standard procedure for people who've had a previous c-section). He asked me one last time if I really wanted to go for a VBAC and gave me this huge sizing up look and without doubt or twitch I stood my ground. It wasn't until then did he start to tell me there was a 50%-80% success rate for VBACs and that it's a very attainable goal. I felt such a feeling of success and I wasn't even in labor yet!
I started taking Evening Primrose Oil capsules around 35 weeks to try and boost the effacing. I think it helped, I was 50% effaced at my 38 wk appt (more than I was with Neva). I would take trips up and down the stairs in my apartment building to try and help Esther drop. I think this helped more with building some strength and stamina in my legs rather than helping her drop. At my 39 wk appt, Esther still hadn't dropped, I was 1 cm dilated and still about 50% effaced. After every appointment, I'd send an e-mail to my doula, Emily, and keep her posted on how everything was going. She was wonderful! Always very supportive and willing to dispense any advice for any issues or worries I was having. While I was debating about getting a doula, I decided that I needed some extra support. It would take some stress off of Tim and I wasn't sure if my mom would get here in time. I'm so happy that my friends convinced me to get a doula. :)
On Saturday, 3/9, the day before my due date, I wanted to get things moving. I had been waking up to contractions for a week and I was ready to get out and about. My friend Jen packed up her kiddos, husband and dog, I grabbed Neva and we all headed to the park to walk out a baby! Around 11:30 a.m. I was starting to get contractions that were intense enough to stop me in my tracks and I needed to hold on to the stroller and squat down. This felt so much better! It gave a place for the pressure to go and spread things out, but they were about 15 minutes apart. After walking about a mile and half, we headed home. I skyped with my parents and in-laws, walking and squatting periodically during contractions.
About 6:30 p.m. my contractions were consistently 5-6 min apart, so I started making phone calls. First, I called my mom and told her to change her plane ticket. Next, I called Emily and let her know where we were at. Around 9 p.m., the contractions were getting more intense, so that's when I asked Emily to come over. I knew I had wanted to labor at home for as long as I could and things were going great! She had her bag o' goodies to help ease some pains. Tim got Neva ready for bed and took her over to a friend's house to spend the night (thanks so much Jen!!) while Emily and I worked through things at home. During each contraction I had mild back labor, Emily rubbed my back with a pool noodle like a rolling pin. It felt so nice to have that pressure. With my first birth, I was put on pitosin right off the bat so I never had natural contractions. These, although uncomfortable, weren't nearly as bad and it felt so nice to be able to move around, sway, roll on the ball and lean on a counter, not to mention being able to drink water or have a snack! Emily was right there for every contraction lending support and comfort. :)
Tim got back around 11:30 p.m. and I told him we were ready to go to the hospital. We hopped in the car, Emily right behind us and off we went! We got to DePaul Medical Center about midnight and had a very easy admission. The 3 contractions in the wheelchair were a beast, but other than that we went straight to a room and got settled. I had tested positive for Group B Strep, so I got hooked up to an IV to get antibiotics and fluids. When the nurse checked me out, I was about 3-4 cm dilated and about 80% effaced. I was still able to move around and drink water, huge blessing! Emily's support was priceless. Even when I had to lay down for one reason or another, she would gently rub my shins during contractions and knowing that I wasn't alone in this, that I had unwavering support, helped so much. :)
Around 4:30 a.m. I finally gave in and asked for some pain meds. It was a systemic medication that didn't really help with the pain, but it really helped me to relax and rest in between the contractions. Emily helped me to breathe through each contraction, helping me to relax and stay focused. Her constant reminders of breathing out low and loud were such a help. It was this deep, low, primal moan that really helped me to release all of that tension and stay loose. The more intense the contraction, the louder the wail. My water broke about 5 a.m. and what a relief that was! I couldn't believe how much there was in there and the release of pressure. Esther still hadn't dropped yet, but I was dilated to 7 cm. That's when it really hit me that things were progressing well. I was working through each contraction with my eyes closed, listening to the coaching of Miss Emily.
Around 5:45 a.m. I started hearing new voices in the room. When I opened my eyes I saw my doctor, a couple new nurses and the pediatrician. I started hearing words like "decreased heart rate" and was asked to put on oxygen. I was also hearing that she was still very high and I started to have flashbacks of the things I heard while in labor with Neva. The doctor had given me an episiotomy and had manually done some stretching and manipulating to try and get Esther into the right position. Still high and looking in the wrong direction. My husband was at my bedside, holding my hand and giving encouraging words. My doctor then told me they were thinking about c-section. They had anesthesia ready, the operating room was getting prepped and the surgical assistant was getting ready.
Then, our miracle happened.
With the next contraction, I pushed and all in one motion her heartbeat came back super strong she engaged and turned into the perfect position. My doctor looked at me and said "Her heartbeat is what's keeping us in this room right now. Let's get ready to push." I couldn't believe it! Our fates had changed in a matter of seconds. We were going to have us a baby! (I later found out that my mother-in-law woke up from a dead sleep and started to pray right at this crucial time. How cool is that?!) Esther got into the perfect position and we were ready to push. My doctor looked at me and told me that her heart rate was back where it should be and we were go to push. A couple of big pushes later, Esther's head had come out and her umbilical cord was wrapped so tightly around her neck, the doctor couldn't get his fingers in between the cord and her neck, hence the decreased heart rate. He got it figured out and we were ready to keep on pushing. A couple more big pushes and little Esther Grace in her entirety was here in the world!!! :)
We had a successful VBAC!!!!
All of the newborn "stuff" was done while I was in the room (unlike my c-section where I was able to see her for a minute then didn't see her again for the next 2 1/2-3 hours) and I was able to snuggle her within minutes.
When I started this whole journey, I didn't think I was going to get a doula. I thought they were overrated and I could do it on my own. I didn't need that hippy-dippy kinda stuff. Looking back, I know that I wouldn't have been able to handle the back labor or been able to stay relaxed and focused on my own. I would have gotten an epidural a couple of hours in. While my husband is very supportive and comforting, having the support of another woman (who's a third party and can distinguish between contraction pain and "something's wrong" pain) was incredible. Emily was right there when I needed her and Tim was right there when I needed him. Both of them together gave me the exact support and comfort that was necessary at the perfect times.
My mom was able to fly in on Sunday afternoon and hold her new granddaughter less than 12 hours after she'd arrived into the world.
I'm so happy with how this birth experience went and I hope that our next one goes as smoothly. :)
Our dear little Esther Grace arrived this past Sunday morning and I wanted to share my birth story with you.
When I had Neva, she never fully engaged and wasn't facing the correct way, these (along with the induction, in my opinion) were responsible for her c-section. Everything went smoothly, but I just wanted a different experience. I didn't get to hold her right away and I felt like the bonding took a little longer than it might have if I would have been able to deliver vaginally. I knew that if I were to have another baby, I'd like to try for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarian).
From my first prenatal appointment, that's the tune I went in singing: VBAC! VBAC! VBAC! My doctor seemed to only tell me all the negative statistics of uterine rupture, fatality rates and horror stories. While I took all of this into consideration, I didn't let it effect my decision. I felt like if I were able to go into labor spontaneously and let her come in her own time, things would just play out differently. Every single appointment we went through this. It wasn't until my 38 week appointment that my doctor checked me that he felt that I was truly able to go into labor on my own and cancelled my scheduled c-section (which is apparently standard procedure for people who've had a previous c-section). He asked me one last time if I really wanted to go for a VBAC and gave me this huge sizing up look and without doubt or twitch I stood my ground. It wasn't until then did he start to tell me there was a 50%-80% success rate for VBACs and that it's a very attainable goal. I felt such a feeling of success and I wasn't even in labor yet!
I started taking Evening Primrose Oil capsules around 35 weeks to try and boost the effacing. I think it helped, I was 50% effaced at my 38 wk appt (more than I was with Neva). I would take trips up and down the stairs in my apartment building to try and help Esther drop. I think this helped more with building some strength and stamina in my legs rather than helping her drop. At my 39 wk appt, Esther still hadn't dropped, I was 1 cm dilated and still about 50% effaced. After every appointment, I'd send an e-mail to my doula, Emily, and keep her posted on how everything was going. She was wonderful! Always very supportive and willing to dispense any advice for any issues or worries I was having. While I was debating about getting a doula, I decided that I needed some extra support. It would take some stress off of Tim and I wasn't sure if my mom would get here in time. I'm so happy that my friends convinced me to get a doula. :)
On Saturday, 3/9, the day before my due date, I wanted to get things moving. I had been waking up to contractions for a week and I was ready to get out and about. My friend Jen packed up her kiddos, husband and dog, I grabbed Neva and we all headed to the park to walk out a baby! Around 11:30 a.m. I was starting to get contractions that were intense enough to stop me in my tracks and I needed to hold on to the stroller and squat down. This felt so much better! It gave a place for the pressure to go and spread things out, but they were about 15 minutes apart. After walking about a mile and half, we headed home. I skyped with my parents and in-laws, walking and squatting periodically during contractions.
About 6:30 p.m. my contractions were consistently 5-6 min apart, so I started making phone calls. First, I called my mom and told her to change her plane ticket. Next, I called Emily and let her know where we were at. Around 9 p.m., the contractions were getting more intense, so that's when I asked Emily to come over. I knew I had wanted to labor at home for as long as I could and things were going great! She had her bag o' goodies to help ease some pains. Tim got Neva ready for bed and took her over to a friend's house to spend the night (thanks so much Jen!!) while Emily and I worked through things at home. During each contraction I had mild back labor, Emily rubbed my back with a pool noodle like a rolling pin. It felt so nice to have that pressure. With my first birth, I was put on pitosin right off the bat so I never had natural contractions. These, although uncomfortable, weren't nearly as bad and it felt so nice to be able to move around, sway, roll on the ball and lean on a counter, not to mention being able to drink water or have a snack! Emily was right there for every contraction lending support and comfort. :)
Tim got back around 11:30 p.m. and I told him we were ready to go to the hospital. We hopped in the car, Emily right behind us and off we went! We got to DePaul Medical Center about midnight and had a very easy admission. The 3 contractions in the wheelchair were a beast, but other than that we went straight to a room and got settled. I had tested positive for Group B Strep, so I got hooked up to an IV to get antibiotics and fluids. When the nurse checked me out, I was about 3-4 cm dilated and about 80% effaced. I was still able to move around and drink water, huge blessing! Emily's support was priceless. Even when I had to lay down for one reason or another, she would gently rub my shins during contractions and knowing that I wasn't alone in this, that I had unwavering support, helped so much. :)
Around 4:30 a.m. I finally gave in and asked for some pain meds. It was a systemic medication that didn't really help with the pain, but it really helped me to relax and rest in between the contractions. Emily helped me to breathe through each contraction, helping me to relax and stay focused. Her constant reminders of breathing out low and loud were such a help. It was this deep, low, primal moan that really helped me to release all of that tension and stay loose. The more intense the contraction, the louder the wail. My water broke about 5 a.m. and what a relief that was! I couldn't believe how much there was in there and the release of pressure. Esther still hadn't dropped yet, but I was dilated to 7 cm. That's when it really hit me that things were progressing well. I was working through each contraction with my eyes closed, listening to the coaching of Miss Emily.
Around 5:45 a.m. I started hearing new voices in the room. When I opened my eyes I saw my doctor, a couple new nurses and the pediatrician. I started hearing words like "decreased heart rate" and was asked to put on oxygen. I was also hearing that she was still very high and I started to have flashbacks of the things I heard while in labor with Neva. The doctor had given me an episiotomy and had manually done some stretching and manipulating to try and get Esther into the right position. Still high and looking in the wrong direction. My husband was at my bedside, holding my hand and giving encouraging words. My doctor then told me they were thinking about c-section. They had anesthesia ready, the operating room was getting prepped and the surgical assistant was getting ready.
Then, our miracle happened.
With the next contraction, I pushed and all in one motion her heartbeat came back super strong she engaged and turned into the perfect position. My doctor looked at me and said "Her heartbeat is what's keeping us in this room right now. Let's get ready to push." I couldn't believe it! Our fates had changed in a matter of seconds. We were going to have us a baby! (I later found out that my mother-in-law woke up from a dead sleep and started to pray right at this crucial time. How cool is that?!) Esther got into the perfect position and we were ready to push. My doctor looked at me and told me that her heart rate was back where it should be and we were go to push. A couple of big pushes later, Esther's head had come out and her umbilical cord was wrapped so tightly around her neck, the doctor couldn't get his fingers in between the cord and her neck, hence the decreased heart rate. He got it figured out and we were ready to keep on pushing. A couple more big pushes and little Esther Grace in her entirety was here in the world!!! :)
We had a successful VBAC!!!!
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| Right after Esther arrived! :) We did it!!!! |
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| Getting our skin-to-skin right away |
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| The Dream Team!! Tim, Emily (the super doula!), me and miss Esther Grace |
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| Esther Grace Chandler; 6 lbs 15 oz and 21 inches long |
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| Heading to our recovery room. I still can't believe we did it! |
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| Emily and Esther :) What an awesome experience for your first birth! :) |
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| Our first family photo!! |
My mom was able to fly in on Sunday afternoon and hold her new granddaughter less than 12 hours after she'd arrived into the world.
I'm so happy with how this birth experience went and I hope that our next one goes as smoothly. :)
Friday, February 15, 2013
Closing in on D-Day!
We are two days away from being officially "full term"!!! Any day from February 17 to March 20, little Esther is going to make her arrival. (My due date is 3/10, my OB said he'd let me go 10 days over.) While all I have been given is worst-case scenarios and statistics from the medical side, he's agreed to let me try for my coveted VBAC if Esther comes on her own between 38-40 weeks. If she goes past her due date, we're most likely going to schedule a c-section to avoid risks of uterine rupture. I told him that sounds fair, at least he's willing to let me try (which is the whole reason I went to his practice in the first place).
On non-medical fronts, I'm getting an amazing amount of support! So many of my friends and family are giving me the cheers and encouragement that I feel I need to go in with the right attitude. I was also able to meet the wonderful woman who will be my doula for this experience. She's in training and I'm very excited to be able to work with her. I had my first meeting with her on Tuesday and we hit it off right away. I was so nervous of having every stereotype I dreaded (crazy, agenda-ridden, "grasp your power from Mother Earth", man-hater) and she is the exact opposite. She's sweet, calm, peaceful and supportive. I think I thanked her for not being crazy about 3 times... :) Not only that, but she volunteers with the Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater (as I did last year, just a different area) and she and I are on the same page with all the big stuff. She specifically said "My only agenda is your agenda." Praise the Lord! :) While He hasn't answered all my prayers how I expected or hoped (seriously, how often does THAT happen?!), He has made Himself known and present in every aspect. And that... that is the biggest encouragement that I could ask for.
So now we wait. I'll keep hanging out on my exercise ball with my invisible hula hoop trying to work her down, which she is already well on her way. She's already lower at 36 weeks than Neva ever was. I'm interested to see how everything plays out. Emily (my doula) said my biggest job now is to stay relaxed. This is easier said than done. Life likes to get in the way of that. Things like toddlers getting sick, husbands working on their dissertations, husbands working full time and then trying to prepare for a new baby coming into this crazy world like to keep you from relaxing. We'll get there. :)
I'm looking forward to my mom coming out and helping. It'll be fantastic having her help with Esther and Neva. Hopefully Tim will be able to get a little bit of a break now and then too. :) It's just odd sitting on the couch knowing you're in the last page of a chapter of your life, not knowing what the new one holds.
On non-medical fronts, I'm getting an amazing amount of support! So many of my friends and family are giving me the cheers and encouragement that I feel I need to go in with the right attitude. I was also able to meet the wonderful woman who will be my doula for this experience. She's in training and I'm very excited to be able to work with her. I had my first meeting with her on Tuesday and we hit it off right away. I was so nervous of having every stereotype I dreaded (crazy, agenda-ridden, "grasp your power from Mother Earth", man-hater) and she is the exact opposite. She's sweet, calm, peaceful and supportive. I think I thanked her for not being crazy about 3 times... :) Not only that, but she volunteers with the Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater (as I did last year, just a different area) and she and I are on the same page with all the big stuff. She specifically said "My only agenda is your agenda." Praise the Lord! :) While He hasn't answered all my prayers how I expected or hoped (seriously, how often does THAT happen?!), He has made Himself known and present in every aspect. And that... that is the biggest encouragement that I could ask for.
So now we wait. I'll keep hanging out on my exercise ball with my invisible hula hoop trying to work her down, which she is already well on her way. She's already lower at 36 weeks than Neva ever was. I'm interested to see how everything plays out. Emily (my doula) said my biggest job now is to stay relaxed. This is easier said than done. Life likes to get in the way of that. Things like toddlers getting sick, husbands working on their dissertations, husbands working full time and then trying to prepare for a new baby coming into this crazy world like to keep you from relaxing. We'll get there. :)
I'm looking forward to my mom coming out and helping. It'll be fantastic having her help with Esther and Neva. Hopefully Tim will be able to get a little bit of a break now and then too. :) It's just odd sitting on the couch knowing you're in the last page of a chapter of your life, not knowing what the new one holds.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Playing Catch-Up!
Okay, two months since my last post. We've been busy little bees around here!
Our family has moved to a new apartment complex and it has been AMAZING!! It's incredible how much you miss the little things that you haven't had for the last two years. Little things like... hot water, feeling safe in your own house, having nice neighbors, cars not speeding through your parking lot, sirens blazing by your living quarters between 10-15 times a day, police not coming into your complex on a near-daily basis.... ya know, just to name a few. Needless to say, things have been so much nicer living in our new digs. :) It's wonderful to have a peaceful home to be at before having our next little bundle arrive! :)
Then there was Christmas. We didn't do a lot this year, but I think Neva had fun. :) I got her dress for 75% off, so I was pretty excited about that. :) Grammy made her an awesome "I Spy" quilt that she loves. :)
A week or two after we moved in, my parents came out to visit and help us get settled in. What a blessing! My dad hasn't ever been able to come out to Virginia, so it was a whole new experience for him. My poor mom worked her whole "vacation" to help us unpack boxes and organize our apartment. It already feels so much more peaceful here than we ever felt at our other apartment. They had a blast hanging out with Neva, my dad was able to see where we live and go fishing with Tim and it was a wonderful trip. My dad was even able to feel baby #2 kick! It was an experience that he hasn't had in a long time. :)
While my parents were here, we were also able to get a 3D ultrasound done to take a peek in on Baby Esther. We got a couple of good photos, but apparently Esther isn't a huge fan of Mountain Dew (which they told me to drink beforehand to make sure she was active).
Oh yeah! And we picked a name!! Esther Grace! :) Tim picked Grace, so he left the first name up to me. I've always liked older names and I really like Old Testament Esther. :) Why not give someone the namesake of someone who saved her entire people by doing something unconventional? Esther Grace it is. :)
We were invited back to have another go at the ultrasound a couple weeks later to try and get some better pictures. She was much more tolerant and much happier baby. We got a lot better pictures!
Now that we've seen her on the inside, she's growing on the outside too! My belly is getting bigger by the day. I'm almost 33 weeks (yikes!) and my mom asked me to measure around my belly. Wowzers, wasn't ready for that shock....
41 1/2 inches around!! That's saying something since I'm only 63 inches tall. ;) It'll be fun to measure at the end of the pregnancy to see the difference. :)
I also started making toddler backpacks! Thanks to the design of my mother-in-law, she was able to help me figure it out and I made the blue one for Neva's best friend, Joe, for his birthday and the crazy owl one is for Neva. :)
Alright, I think that about catches us up. I'll try to not wait so long until my next update. :)
Our family has moved to a new apartment complex and it has been AMAZING!! It's incredible how much you miss the little things that you haven't had for the last two years. Little things like... hot water, feeling safe in your own house, having nice neighbors, cars not speeding through your parking lot, sirens blazing by your living quarters between 10-15 times a day, police not coming into your complex on a near-daily basis.... ya know, just to name a few. Needless to say, things have been so much nicer living in our new digs. :) It's wonderful to have a peaceful home to be at before having our next little bundle arrive! :)
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| Cutie pie... she loves those necklaces! |
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| Neva's I spy quilt! |
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| Pretty girl!!! |
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| Christmas! |
A week or two after we moved in, my parents came out to visit and help us get settled in. What a blessing! My dad hasn't ever been able to come out to Virginia, so it was a whole new experience for him. My poor mom worked her whole "vacation" to help us unpack boxes and organize our apartment. It already feels so much more peaceful here than we ever felt at our other apartment. They had a blast hanging out with Neva, my dad was able to see where we live and go fishing with Tim and it was a wonderful trip. My dad was even able to feel baby #2 kick! It was an experience that he hasn't had in a long time. :)
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| Neva and Grampy were able to read 10 Little Ladybugs (her new favorite book she got from Nana for Christmas!) |
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| Reading books with Nana during "calm down time" before bed |
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| Grampy would take a picture and it made Neva laugh so hard!! We tag-teamed to get the reaction |
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| Grampy and Neva at Surf Rider restaurant. Thanks to Grampy, Nana and I were able to eat in peace |
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| Neva and I took Nana and Grampy to Hwy 55, our favorite burger joint! |
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| We were also able to go to Bass Pro!! |
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| Baby yawn! |
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| Perfect little foot |
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| Peaceful sweetie |
Oh yeah! And we picked a name!! Esther Grace! :) Tim picked Grace, so he left the first name up to me. I've always liked older names and I really like Old Testament Esther. :) Why not give someone the namesake of someone who saved her entire people by doing something unconventional? Esther Grace it is. :)
We were invited back to have another go at the ultrasound a couple weeks later to try and get some better pictures. She was much more tolerant and much happier baby. We got a lot better pictures!
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| Angel baby! She looks like Neva! :) |
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| Rubbin' her sweet little eyes... |
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| Sticking her tongue out at her big sister! |
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| Is that a double chin I see?! And she's still got some time to put on some chunk! |
Now that we've seen her on the inside, she's growing on the outside too! My belly is getting bigger by the day. I'm almost 33 weeks (yikes!) and my mom asked me to measure around my belly. Wowzers, wasn't ready for that shock....
I also started making toddler backpacks! Thanks to the design of my mother-in-law, she was able to help me figure it out and I made the blue one for Neva's best friend, Joe, for his birthday and the crazy owl one is for Neva. :)
Alright, I think that about catches us up. I'll try to not wait so long until my next update. :)
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Giving Thanks!!
As my house (and belly!) are filled with the pitter patter of little feet, there is so much to be grateful for on this glorious day. I have a wonderful husband, a hilarious daughter, a snuggly pup and a roof over my head. We have been so blessed with an amazing church family here who have been so amazing to us since we walked through their door. My family's incredible, I'm so proud of how my parents are still growing as people and as a couple. They make me so happy. :) My in-laws are some the salt of the earth and have become my best friends. And my best friend of 13 years (holy cow), I miss you and wish we closer. We've been able to watch each others little girls grow up even though we've always lived so far apart, but remained so close. :)
Here's just a short & random list of things that I'm thankful for:
- Family
- Being best friends with my husband
- The laughter of my little girl
- My house being filled with amazing smells as the turkey cooks :)
- Skype! It's been such a blessing to bridge the gap with family since our big move
- Little kicks from my new little girl, they make me smile every time
- Our church. Seriously, they've filled a huge gap for us
- Bible studies with my husband
- My sewing machine!! It's become such a hobby and inspiration, not to mention an outlet
- Our amazing country. So many have tried to impede on the freedoms that make it so great, I pray for our servicemen & women who are still fighting to keep it strong.
- Moms & Grandmas, both by blood and "adopted". They just make the world a little better
- Bacon
- Possibility
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