Just a little out of it…

This is how I've felt this whole pregnancy: not great, not awful, just kind of out of it. The reality has taken longer to set in (and frankly, still is), I've been EXPONENTIALLY more emotional (I'll talk more about that later), and I've just felt distracted. I don't know what to chalk up to life, stress or hormones.

When I was pregnant with Neva, I felt pretty balanced. I never really had any of the crazy outbursts, and we moved cross-country when I was about this far along. This time around, I just feel like everything is right at the surface. I can't hold anything back, it's so frustrating. I'm tired of… feeling lol. I just want to be able to watch a movie or have a conversation or survive a couple of months without crying at every little thing.

This baby has been SOOOOO much more active than Neva was. I first felt Neva's flutters at 23 weeks (right where I am now), I felt movement with this pregnancy at 18 weeks and the kicks have been stronger sooner. Tim didn't feel kicks until about 30 weeks. He felt this baby a few days ago. :) I'm just wondering what this is going to tell about his/her personality. :)

I'm trying so hard to go through this season with grace. Some days are better than others. :) I've heard from 4 different people in a week that its harder to be pregnant and care for a toddler than it is to have 2 kiddos. This is both very comforting and frustrating. We're managing and getting through, it's such a short season and I really do enjoy being pregnant. It's so cool feeling those movements and having the knowledge that someone is living and growing inside of you. It's such a privilege… even if it scares the crap out of you. :)

I have no idea what the next year has to offer. I'm under no delusion that it will be easy. I'm preparing for a lot of tears and frustration, but also new joys that I never knew existed. I guess I'm just scared. I've never been a mom to two kids before. I just hope I don't screw it up too much. :)